Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Reflections on Love

Vienna, Austria

Yesterday I had an inspiring conversation about love and what it could be. It made me reflect on my past relationships and, of course, what I believe love to be.

I had a few relationships and I always believed my feelings to be love.

Looking back being honest with myself my feelings were always influenced by need and desire.

Some I loved, I needed, not to feel alone.

Others as I had lacked affection in a while.

Some I loved to overcome a previous relationship.

Others as they gave me a future perspective.

Some I loved simply because I got used to them.

Others because I was in fear… in fear to be alone (again) or not to find anyone "better" or not to be loved by someone else as much.

Some I loved as I learned a lot from them.

Others because I wanted to teach or inspire them.

Most of them because I needed them for something!

So I wonder if I ever truly loved one of them!

Don’t misunderstand me: I respect all of my former girlfriends and I highly value all of my previous relationships.

Yet, being honest, at last all these relationships broke up when either I didn’t need them anymore or they didn’t need me no more.

Each and every single relationship would break up the moment the conditions why we loved each other changed or fulfilled.

So I wonder if that truly is love!

Does love depend on these typ of conditions?

“I love you 'cause I need you!”

“I love you 'cause I’m (my happiness) is dependent on you!”

“I love you 'cause I learn a lot from you!”

“I love you 'cause I fear being alone without you!”

“I love you 'cause I fear nobody else will “love” me like you!”

And there are many more sentences like that…

So what happens if I don’t need that person anymore? If I’m not dependent anymore? If I don’t learn from that person anymore? If I don’t fear being alone without that person anymore?

Do I still love that person without these conditions?

I guess it really depends!

If I really love that person I will still do so… So these conditions must have supported a deeper love! But if these conditions “create” love…

Well… I’m not too sure!

It feels like ill-motivated love to me!

I’m not sure if I truly love someone if it is only based on these type of conditions.

So I come to conclude that I only truly love if that love is not based on some ill-motivated conditions! If it is not dependent on various factors but rather if it is detached… detached from ill-motivated desires and needs.

I believe that I can only truly love if I love myself and am happy with myself… if I don’t need my partner to do so.

Of course that doesn’t imply that I may not need my partner at times, may not learn from my partner, may not be more happy being with my partner, may not…

It just means that I’m not dependent on my partner to live my life, to feel good, to be happy!

And of course I’m far away from that state and I need to work a lot to grow personally and reach that state. And of course it doesn’t mean that I won’t have relationships until I have reached that state. Quite the opposite is the case: every single relationship will help me to get even closer.

But at least I want to try to be honest with myself…

…not to fool myself…

…not to clown myself…

and look at what it really is that makes me feel affection for a person!

By doing that I do grow, being honest not only with myself but also with my partner and giving every partner I feel affection for the chance to love that person truly and not ill-motivated!

So this is my personal perception, my personal truth, my personal reality about love... today...

So let's see what I will have to say in two decades from now about this entry ;)



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just had a beautiful conversation yesterday on the topic of Love...I feel like this is an awareness that has been recently opening to me...I feel similar to you, in that, my past relationships were a love based on something..what we had to offer..or fear of being alone..or it just kinda happening..not really I left my last relationship.. I first realized that I would never be in another relationship like anything I had known again..I didn't know what that meant..I just knew in itself was scary and liberating...I also found that as soon as we left the box of the relationship we could see and feel the love we had for eachother so clearly again...not the "we're in love so now we will do this"..just this great unconditional that allowed us to go forward on different paths without love being a gratification for myself or for himself...I also feel more at ease now with the feeling of unconditional love that I feel for many people all at once..and aware that I can express that in many different ways at different times..Still I don't know what that will always look like for me..and I still have much work to do on myself.. as my past relationship patterns and ways of being still exist in me...

I also have been curious about what it is that causes us to love one person and maybe not another...Like when you meet someone and just feel love for them almost instantly..before you know anything about them...I like the idea of others just being a mirror..They just reflect our love back at us..some more clearly than others..I also feel like the concept of past lives and karma play a role in our connections with you may feel love for the others soul because they were a friend, lover, a past life..they feel do not know their current life dramas...or current egos... They may be coming back into your life this time because you have unfinished Karma..or you have such a beautiful love..

4:17 PM, December 24, 2006  

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